Heavier things

While one part of me has been thinking all these happy thoughts,  I have also still been doing a lot of reading and research into adoption.

I've been humbled and quietly chastised. The words "a family for a child" have even more meaning for me now. I am NOT rescuing a child, I'm not being brave or selfless. This isn't a great choice worthy of praise, nor an attention seeking gesture. I see that. It's opening my heart for more love. 


The people I have told have been, on the whole, supportive. Only one person said "haven't you got enough kids?".... I am reading of the negative comments people make, the ignorant and arrogant things people feel is their right to say. It'll be tough, but it'll be tougher for him.


He is the one giving up. Giving up the life he knows. Yes it's in an institution but it's all he knows! I am taking him from people and friends, everything that is "safe" to him, and gives him his security. The people who care for him and feed him. I'm taking him from that and bringing him half way around the world to a new culture, language, family and .. life. He has to learn to call me mum, my husband dad... and he will have sisters and brothers who are a solid unit which will open to welcome him, but he won't know that. He will be a brave little soldier which is why I believe God put his needs on my heart. 


I have also had to learn a new respect for relinquishing mothers. How easy it was for me to arrogantly think "why would you abandon a 2 day old baby?" How dare I be so presumptuous? I have no idea of her situation! Maybe  - in fact I'm sure - her heart breaks for him every day. She gave him up so HE could have a better life, not so SHE could have a better life. Maybe she was forced to give him up. China's one child policy means a child with any disability could be given up... could a husband insist? Could her family insist? I won't know her story until I find out about our child.  And even then I may never find out. However, she is his birth mother. She nurtured his body for 9 months, she would have seen his little face... and she would, I'm sure, have cried over him. And still...she.. gave..him...up. How that must hurt! Such an act of love....I can only honour her as his mother through his life. I may be his mum, but she'll always be his "real" mother. I have read of families who also celebrate her (even if unknown) every mothers day. Some of these families send updates to orphanages in the hope that one day she may be brave enough to come forward and ask about her child.


And so my heart is getting more ready, I am getting our family and our home ready. He will have low vision; I won't know how low until he is assigned to us. Once our papers are submitted and accepted this end, they go to China for the government there to find a child who fits our profile. They then "assign" the child to us, we get 72 hours to decide if we accept that particular child, then we proceed with travelling to China to collect him at an appointed date. 


My head tells me of all the pitfalls - the language barrier, the emotional needs, my work situation (in that I work full time as does my husband) schooling, technology to assist his vision.... but I know it's all just minor in the big picture. And I have such amazing friends and a fantastic church for support. We moved churches a few years ago. Not that the "old" one wouldn't have helped, but this one is more attuned to our relaxed attitude and allows us to grow.. and I know they'll embrace this little man and treasure him and us. I am so looking forward to it all!