Had to share

Someone else's blog linked to this post. Now I am too. 
Why adopt?
Beautiful words!

http://godsarrowsinourquiver.blogspot.com/2011/01/impracticalimprudentill-advised.html?spref=bl

Short but sweet on my part!

hearts a mess?

We now have seven weeks until our "introduction to adoption" talk. A couple of books I've read don't paint these in a very good light so am hoping it's a positive experience.

My husband is trying to keep up with me but I'm afraid I'm way past this point in my head already, as you'd no doubt have noticed.  :) Have you ever heard of the DISC personality model? Each letter is for the type of personality and the characteristics you may display in each one. 

http://www.discinsights.com/cyber/scripts/disc.asp

I am Direct. Trying hard to lose my rough edges, but when I did this in study, I was more direct than direct, so I know it's me. I tend to go in feet first, try to get to point B in the quickest way, organise things fully and early and am a self starter. Sounds like me in this game plan as well.

So then when my husband, who is a mix of a Steadier, (likes to face change slowly, can't understand risk taking, is patient and methodical) and Compliant (analyses, follows procedure, is conscientious and careful) sees me writing things on my blog *smiley face* and hears me planning where the child will sleep and even calling "him" by name, he struggles to work out where my head is, as we ARE seven weeks out of even taking the first step.

So do I sometimes. But I know where my heart is. It's with kids. It always has been. From when I was one myself, I've loved younger kids, and having my own was wonderful, of course, and I loved / love every minute with them.

We've done studies through church and I have done my own about what it means to follow Christ, and while those who don't get it won't get it, I am convicted of the "deny yourself carry your cross" message amongst others. And is working to make money to spend it on myself really all there is to life? I'm seeking a kingdom result at the end of my life, not an earthly one. So where I live, how I dress, what I drive, my job, my friends, where I go.....will all mean nothing when I'm gone. But what I do matters to me and to God, and how I use the time He gives me. 

This is being made abundantly clearer to me as time goes on, and I can only see His hand at work and it's exciting. 

Someone asked me the other day "what if you're wrong and it was just subconscious set you on this road?" Fine. I will pursue the process as long as I can until I KNOW it's not right; and I will. Know, that is. Be it my husband, my kids, my life, my health, I believe something will happen that will give me a definite "no". So far I'm only feling green lights. (Except for the money part, but we haven't got there and besides that's another post!)

Our local newspaper had a story about a US family who adopted three - yes three - boys with albinism from China. Their children had grown up and God directed them to adopt. I finally read the article after numerous attempts, getting too emotionally involved didn't help. 

 Now I read China are changing some of the processes, more post adoption reports and maybe more pre adoption checks as well? Al in the interests of the child's safety and I think it's great, just wondering what will be ahead!

So trying to juggle head and heart is hard, but I'm getting there. Realising I need to slow down so my husband can catch up (not being mean, just saying he needs to catch the dream too and it will likely take longer.And understanding that patience is my reward at the end of this what appears to be long road.

reading and emails and blogging, oh my!

As I have mentioned, I joined some online e-lists and have had several conversations online and privately with some of the people involved.  And wow! some of them live in the same state as me, even wthin "coffee catch up" distance in some cases. This is great; it gives me people to talk to who "get it" and won't get sick of me talking about myself. :) People are very patient but I find myself biting my tongue to stop talking a lot.

I asked about some of the emotional changes people find in pre- and post- adoption. (Like forever wanting to talk about it even though it's a way off, for example, lol)  The answers may surprise people, but I'll save them for another post.

I have been reading a lot too. (My husband hates the bedside light on til past 1 am while I'm engrossed in a book) Currently reading "the waiting child:how the faith and love of one orphan saved the life of another" which tells of a little girl's love for a younger child left behind in China. It brings out a lot of things I hadn't necessarily thought of. Like a child leaving with a parent who isn't dark haired and Asian like they are. How can this person be called "mama"? Like the harsh punishment and conditions still in some orphanages. (Book published 2003) Like....so much!

Once again I have had my heart and mind opened. I pray a hedge of protection around Levi, and trust he will recognise and know love when it's his unconditionally.

And youtube? How wonderful it is that families share their "gotcha" day videos.. but how sad that I have discovered them! And that I insist on watching "just one more" so I can cry again. Getting so soppy!

And one of my favourite websites, etsy, has been gettng a bit of a hammering from my IP address lately too. Especially since I discovered so much adoption related stuff on there. Etsy is for homemade craft and gifts, and I just love browsing its stores. So check this out!

http://www.etsy.com/listing/68914801/thank-you-for-asking-card-set-20-cards

A "thank you for asking" card kit especially for adoptive parents and the stupid "but is he your son" questions. One side of the card is from a parent's perspective, the other about a child's. Not saying I want them, I just think they're neat.
And because I'm such an internet junkie I'm compiling lists of books for kids and parents, for jewelry and gifts... and so on. Other people have done it, I know, but it's a way of filling in time til I can formalise something!!

And.. getting back to the beginning of this post, one of the parents I emailed told me that they lodged their papers with China and had a match a month later! (This is special needs (SN) which is a very different route to non special needs adoptions) I was blown away. Could this be our fate as well?

Legacy of an Adopted Child

(Writer unknown)

Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality the other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent the other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile the other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me through your tears
The age old question unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment which are you a product of?
Neither my Darling, neither.
Just two different kinds of Love.

so long status quo

So while not much is happening documentation and government wise, and nothing can til we see the powers that be (PTB) in May, I'm going to indulge in my thoughts and conversations.

I have had this song in my head for a while, and while it may not resonate with some, for me, in this path, it is just where I am right now. The song is by Nichole Nordeman, one of my favourite Christian musicians.

Brave (Nichole Nordeman, Jay Joyce)

The gate is wide, the road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground, you're safe and sound and
Until now, it's where I've been
'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo, I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I am small and I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say your name, just your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall
Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me, that changes everything

2005 Birdwing Music / Birdboy Songs (ASCAP), admin. by EMI CMG Publishing / Sony/ATV Songs LLC / JohnnyO Music (BMI)
© 2005 Sparrow

The funny thing is that this is how I'm feeling -I think I just let go of the status quo
 and the way it's always been isn't good enough now. And reading other people's stories merely confirms this in my mind. It seems like it's the way it's always been meant to be, yet 12 months ago I'd have laughed if you'd told me...

I will likely be annoying the Dept Families and communities lady again soon, so maybe we should pray that she has patience with me wanting to cast aside protocol and procedures.. and bring home a little man.I'm more than happy to comply with all the regulations and paperwork, I'd just like a little person to know he is wanted. I emphasise that HE is wanted, just him, by a family.

It feels like forever since I posted...

My laptop is mishbehaving so I only have my iPhone unless I am able to update at lunchtime (as I am now) And then I forgot my password to the blog (D'OH!!) All sorted now.

God still moves me in ways I'm unprepared for, and I'm just hanging in there waiting to see what happens next!  I have found great encouragement and inspiration through talking to friends and work colleagues, and now just want something to happen!

I wondered how a child of 6 or 7 could learn english after only knowing Mandarin / Pinyin for so long- maybe a helper / tutor in China once the child is assigned? I posted this idea on a forum and the response was good, and I was assured children learn the language quickly once they're immersed in it (at home). I have a Mandarin language book with some pictures so I'm trying to teach myself Mandarin besides ni-hao. (I don't want to be Kevin Rudd standard, just enough to get basic messages across)

I have read some great information lately that has spoken to me; this from one of my favourite bloggers, Dan, on his single dad laughin blog...
http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/how-much-did-your-kid-cost.html

dan's beautiful son is adopted and he mentions all the stupid questions he gets asked by complete strangers.

And this from straight talk, a blog about special needs adoption.
http://myshelbybaby.blogspot.com/2011/02/because-you-dont-fit-in-anymore.html

And this, which made me cry, was written by Tim Stowell.

Following

We knew our child before they knew us. God knew me before I knew Him.

We loved our child before they knew us. God loved me before I knew Him.

We prepared a place for our child before they knew us. He prepared a place for me before I knew Him.

At some point we went and redeemed our child. At some point He came and redeemed me.

We brought our child home to be in our family forever. He will bring me one day to His home to be with Him forever.

Realizing this I know that God's heart is in adoption.  As an adopted child of the King, I can do no less than to model His behavior.

Tim, 25 Jan 2011

I called the no fair rule on that one because it made my mascara run.

Thank you for the comments made by email and to me, I appreciate that people are following and joining us in this much anticipated journey. I am slowly unbending and telling selected people of our plans - it all seems so far away that I feel like a bit of a wally getting excited and sharing, but I am getting that I need to tell people, even though my husband isn't as confident as myself that everything will come together in time.  :) The Lord moves in mysterious ways and oh boy his moves have consisted of some bizarre ones lately!!

I am, for example, amazed at how big my heart is, that I "knew" my family was complete except for partners for my children and then grandchildren, but I have this new aching part that wants to be a mummy again to someone who's waiting for a mummy. whereever he is, God has him and I know he's being readied. To meet our noisy chaotic family, he's gonna have to be!

Shalom.